Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong
Probably no issue is given more attention during an argument than that of who is “right” and who is “wrong.”
If we start to use EFT when we are caught in the “fairness – rightness – wrongness” trap, the issue may be so important in our mind that cooperation with the tapping process can be seriously blocked. The conviction that a “wrong” must be “righted,” with justice obtained at all costs, can wipe out all other thoughts.
While most of us respect those who are fair, to demand that someone else behave “fairly” to us is almost always unproductive. Much of the residual distress that comes from being attacked or wronged — the pain that lasts far longer than the attack itself — comes from a smoldering resentment at having been unfairly treated.
Resolving Resentment
Unresolved resentment can turn into a downward spiral of negativity that can hinder a relationship by decreasing positive communication and increasing hostility and sarcasm. Over time, resentful feelings can cause future trust issues with others, lessen self-confidence, and can block emotional betterment.
According to James J. Messina Ph.D, some important tactics for handling resentment involve:
- acknowledging the resentment
- recognizing your resentment-driven behavior
- noticing “triggers” that flair up your resentment and any possible associations to previous life experiences
- exploring different perspectives of the present situation and related past experiences
- working on forgiveness of past offensives and releasing them from your reality
- seeking approval and recognition from within
- engaging in positive self-affirmations to overcome negativity
- visualizing your present and future life without the burden of resentment
Why Use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for Resentment?
Simply put, EFT, used along with the EFT Choices Method, is an ideal method to help you overcome debilitating resentment, because the process can help you work through all of the above tactics – and more. (See How to Do EFT: A Step-by-Step Guide)
The power of EFT lies within its ability to tap into your body’s vital energy pathways (the meridian system), through acupressure, to tune into your perceptions, gain deeper insight, and balance your emotions.
Using EFT for this — when you are ready for it — may mean that you have to first tap a number of rounds on your anger, but eventually statements such as the following can be used:
“Even though they were unfair, I choose to let (that person, institution, etc.) BE unfair, and get on with my life.”
“Even though (that person) is acting crazy (stupid, mean, inconsiderate, etc.), I choose to let him/her act that way, and get on with my life.”
“Even though (that person) doesn’t understand me (appreciate me etc.) I choose to LET him/her misunderstand me – so what?”
These are general acceptance statements which can free you from the futile struggle to change the unchangeable (at least what seems unchangeable at the moment) and allow you to go about your business with a sense of relief.
By formulating the appropriate tapping statement, a person can tap away the need for another person to:
- Agree with them
- Respond to them
- Cooperate with them
- Pay attention to them
- Love them
- Obey them
- Praise them
- Listen to them
- Respect them
Or, you can tap on one of the most fundamental issues in relationships – one person’s demand that the other person be just like them, that is, be similar to (or identical to) themselves. A tapping statement to deal with this misconception might be:
“Even though I want (that person) to be just like me, I choose to let him/her be who they are.”
I could give a much longer list of tapping statements that are useful for dealing with relationship problems and we would still only have scratched the surface. My purpose in suggesting these has been mainly to spark your creativity with regard to the many ways that EFT/tapping can be used for dealing with relationship issues. Many, if not most, of the distortions of thinking and feeling which block mutual understanding between people can be tapped away by using a correctly worded EFT statement. I highly recommend that you try this the next time you get into an argument with someone. It can set you both free.
Summary: To use EFT with Fairness Issues
■ When you are feeling angry or resentful over having been unfairly treated, first tap a number of rounds on your anger in order to accept it and thereby reduce its impact.
■ Once your anger is reduced, tap on an EFT statement such as, “Even though they are being unfair, I choose to let (that person, institution etc.) BE unfair, and get on with my life.”
