Does the Wording of Surrogate EFT Tapping Matter?

This question itself is rather lengthy – almost as long as my answer — but I share it in its entirety because it illustrates so well the confusion we can get into when we try to stick to the “letter of the law” when doing EFT, rather than let our basic intention guide us.  Here is the dilemma of one woman who wrote to me about this. See if it has any resemblance to any of your own experiences.
 

“The Wording of Surrogate EFT Tapping — Does It Matter?”

Question:

I would appreciate it if you could clarify the use of surrogate EFT.  It is the wording I am not sure about.  For instance, my husband has a bad headache but does not believe in EFT and won’t try it.  How can I help him in a surrogate manner?

Can I go into another room and tap on MY body using all the EFT  tapping points?  Do I say, while tapping on myself, “Even though…” ( and do I here use the name of the person I’m trying to help?) has a headache (and here use the pronoun he or she?) deeply and completely accepts…etc.”? 

If I am tapping on the person themselves but doing the talking for them (such as I would with a small child or someone too upset to talk) do I say, “Even though (do you use the term “I” or “you” or their name?) …(and again I or you or their name deeply and …)?

I’d appreciate your clarifying when to use “I” or “you” or the other person’s name, or do you use “the dog’s name” when using for a pet situation?
Thanks for any help.

Answer:

This question illustrates perfectly the all too familiar confusion that often arises when any set of instructions is applied too literally. Sometimes, of course, following instructions to the letter is absolutely essential, as when you are installing a new piece of computer software— you’d better not omit any of the required steps for that one or you’ll be on the phone with tech support for a loooooong time!

However, instructions for the wording used in surrogate tapping are a different matter. Here you are not dealing with a device that’s been designed to work in ONE WAY ONLY, but are dealing, instead, with living systems with all their variations. This gives you an enormous amount of flexibility with regard to the wording you can use for EFT surrogate tapping because, to slightly edit an old saying, in surrogate tapping, “it ‘isn’t’ what you do, but the INTENTION you hold while doing it.”

The exact words you use for surrogate tapping, or even for that matter for the precise tapping points or sequences you use when doing EFT at any other time, are much less important than your basic intent with respect to what you are doing.

As for your husband’s headache, you will probably be equally successful if you say,

“Even though (his name) has this headache, I deeply and completely accept myself, ” as if you say, “Even though he has this headache, he deeply and completely accepts himself” or “Even though (his name) has this headache, I deeply and completely accept him” — or any number of other ways that you might phrase these surrogate tapping phrases.

You will be equally successful using a first person pronoun or a second person pronoun, or the person’s name, or almost any other way of phrasing the statement, as long as your intention is intact. What will count is that you are holding a certain ATTITUDE while you tap and that your actions carry a certain emotional TONE. It’s your intention that will make a difference, so let’s look at this a bit more closely.

What’s happening when you surrogate tap? Well, usually you are offering a solution to a person, or animal, for some difficulty they find themselves in. However (and this is important!) you are not IMPOSING an improvement in their condition on them (it would be impossible for you to do this in any event) so it is always possible for the person/animal to refuse to accept this improvement, and sometimes this is what happens. The fact that such a “refusal” is often not conscious doesn’t change the fact that the recipient of the tapping him/herself is the final authority in the situation. That is why you don’t need anyone’s “permission” to do surrogate tapping for them any more than you would need another’s permission to offer them a birthday gift. The recipient always has the final say for they can simply decide not to accept the gift.

The act of surrogate tapping seems to activate an invisible connection between you and the person who is being tapped for. “Oneness” is implied in this act, as you become a stand-in, in a sense, for the other person. Why this should work (when it does and that’s surprisingly often) is beyond the scope of this discussion and lies in the realm of scientific research such as that being conducted by Dr. William Tiller (see his book, “Conscious Acts of Creation“) and Dr. Gary Schwartz (see his book, “The Living Energy Universe“) Some fascinating evidence is now being collected with regard to “non-local” effects and it seems that the emotional/mental state of the “sender” is far more important than any words that are used (or not used) in connection with such communication. 

To return to your question, you are probably sending caring and love to your husband when you tap as a surrogate to help cure his headache, but if instead you were to tap because you wanted his headache to leave in order to spare you the annoyance of dealing with him when he has a headache (it might make him grouchy, for example.), it is doubtful if your surrogate tapping would do much to help the headache. The act of surrogate tapping is a communication between two people, and what you feel when you tap, rather than what you say, is the basic communication. 

As you know, we can express a feeling and an intent using many different words (or even many different languages).  As Shakespeare pointed out, “What’s in a name? A rose by any other name doth smell as sweet.”

Clearly a little kitten or a sick baby are not going to quibble about the words you use to refer to them during your surrogate tapping — you can call them by their name, or refer to them as “he”, “she”, “it”, or I” or in some other fashion, and it won’t make much difference to the kitten or the baby. But — they are likely to respond to the feeling and intent of your tapping, even if they are in another room, or another part of the world. 

My advice is to allow yourself the freedom to express an intent to help your husband (or anyone else) through surrogate tapping by using the wording that is most comfortable and natural for you to repeat. The phrases that come to you, naturally and without affectation, are those that will be the most effective.

I think you will find that the ease this will bring you will help the whole surrogate tapping process along, making it more enjoyable for you and more effective for the other person.

I wish you well with free, relaxed surrogate tapping!

EFT Master, Pat Carrington