Tapping for Children Suffering Trauma from War

Updated:  According to Unicef.org, the war in Ukraine has sadly displaced half of Ukraine’s children, a situation that has often occurred in other historical outbreaks of war.   

In our world community, the possibilities for healing with EFT are vast, and to create a well world, despite an abundance of childhood traumas, we can teach children the power to heal. 

Some years ago, the question below was presented to Dr. Carrington as crises struck around the world. The advice she shares held true then, as it does today, as parents and caregivers of children around the world are facing chaos.

Question:

I will just summarize a rather lengthy question from an Israeli health worker acquainted with EFT Tapping (an Energy Psychology method that counteracts trauma). She and three of her colleagues were invited to work with a group of school children who lost classmates in an attack on their neighborhood. They were allowed to use Tapping with these children, and she asks for suggestions with regard to a helpful way of doing this and for useful affirmations (possibly the Choices Method) to use for them — she doubts that the default self-acceptance phrase alone will do the whole job.

Answer:  The effects of first-hand experiences during war, and other violent scenarios, of children has been studied at length for decades. In our world community, the possibilities for healing with EFT are vast, and to create a well world, despite an abundance of childhood traumas, we can teach children the power to heal early in their lives. 

Contents:

 

How to Be a Strong Influence in Children’s Perceptions
Positive Lessons from History on Children of War
Use the Tearless Trauma Technique with Children
Tapping with An Upset Child (audio)
Survivor Guilt
Dealing with Feelings of Revenge
Working with Groups of Older Children/Teens

 

How to Be a Strong Influence in Children’s Perceptions

 

How in the world can parents deal with such traumatic situations as they are unfolding?

First, and this is VERY important, gain control of your emotions. Try to stay out of “panic mode.”

Use EFT Choices to calm your hyperactive mind and nervous system  (see Learn EFT Step-by-Step and The Power of Personal Choice in EFT), which works through your bodily energetic meridian system AND your “self-talk.”

Feeling and behaving hysterical does no good for any child in your care. Hysteria breeds hysteria. Stay calm and the children in your presence (and others) will feel that hope and be comforted.

Positive Lessons from History on Children of War

 

During the second world war some researchers in England studied children, in parts of London, where they targets in the German bombing ring. The children might have have had to go underground several times a day with their parents to escape the bombing. They were obviously living under high stress, certainly.

Now, as it happened, some of the children were evacuated to estates in the countryside in England, and it was expected that they would somehow show many times fewer symptoms of stress than the children who remained in the endangered areas of London.

However, the study turned out to have very surprising results.

What the researchers found was that if the parents of the children were well able to withstand the onslaught of the bombing, and were able to remain calm and strong, during the air raids, then their children showed no signs of stress above normal, even if they remained in London.

In contrast, if the parents were upset and going to pieces under the strain of the bombing, then their children showed a tremendous number of stress-related symptoms, including, but not limited to nail-biting, bedwetting, and other easily identify problems. obvious.

It made no difference whether the children were taken from London and evacuated to the countryside, or not, compared to the difference it made as to whether their parents expressed that they were deeply upset or not.

“When parents could maintain some form of day-to-day care routines and projected high morale, their children were ‘buffered’ or protected from the most harmful potential traumatic effects of exposure to bombardments.”

Research on the psychological effects of air raids on children were associated either with separation from parents or with the anxiety transmitted from parents during bombardments (Isaacs 1941; Burbury 1941; Frued and Burlingham 1943; Burt 1943).¹ When parents could maintain some form of day-to-day care routines and projected high morale, their children were ‘buffered’ or protected from the most harmful potential traumatic effects of exposure to bombardments.”

It seems reasonable to surmise that extreme chaos, involving gunshots, tanks, explosions, people crying, shouting, and seeing death around them can represent a similar traumatizing situation.

 

Use the Tearless Trauma Technique with Children

 

As an avenue of helping a child (school age or older) go through such trauma, avoid making the child RE-LIVE their memories.

Rather, utilize what EFT Founder, Gary Craig, coined as the Tearless Trauma Technique when working with children suffering trauma from war — this will help them avoid the painful reenactment of the tragedy while they process it with EFT.

If a specific memory is far too upsetting for the child, do NOT allow the child to contemplate, remember, or imagine a specific scene.  Just use the words, “Even though that terrible thing happened” (or similar general wording).

If you are gauging your EFT work with a child, you can make a judgement call on the child’s initial Intensity Rating based upon their expressive emotional state, and body language. An older child may be able to determine their ratings, as you continue your work with them. 

 

EFT Choices Statement Examples:

 

Negative Set-up Phrases:

“Even though I’m very afraid…

“Even though I’m very sad…

“Even though I don’t understand…

“Even though this terrible thing happened…

You may think of other negative phrases that can address the crisis. Use whatever speaks to you or the child/children.

 

Some Simple Healing Statements

 

These suggested Choices can be used at the end of the above set-up phrases, as a Reminder Phrase for a whole round of EFT, or simply used alone in an EFT Journal or on Reminder cards. Some of these statements involve certain belief systems, while others are basic  and practical. Using EFT Choices can be very helpful, but not required. 

I (choose to) know I am surrounded by God’s (or other higher power) love.”

I know that I am a good person.”

I (choose to) know that others are trying to help me.”

I choose to stay calm. (which will help other children around me feel calm.)”

I (choose to) feel safe in God’s arms.”

I (choose to) know that God will help me/us through this.”

I (choose to) know I am safe right now, at this moment.”

Again, you may think of other positive phrases as they might relate to the situation of the child.

 

Tapping with An Upset Child

 

Listen to this audio of Dr. Carrington sharing some tips on how to tap on an upset child.

 

In the Aftermath

 

Watch for signs from the child that they may have not gotten through the chaos as well as you hoped.

Survivor Guilt

 

Also, many of the children are likely to be suffering from what is known as Survivor Syndrome — this is a deep sense of guilt at having been the one who was NOT injured or killed but who is instead going about his or her life still alive and well. We can imagine that many of the children will feel guilty if they find themselves feeling normally good or happy or having fun, when their classmates died instead. I am going to suggest a few Choices that I think might be helpful for such guilt reactions in a moment, but first I want to comment on how you might best introduce EFT to these children.

This works as a device which they can use at any time to comfort,  help them steady themselves, and to give them a safe and peaceful feeling, no matter what is happening around them.

With respect to the affirmations to use, one effective set-up phrases for a disaster of this sort might be:

“Even though this terrible thing happened, I have peace in my heart.” Or, “Even though there is danger in our land, I have peace in my heart.“

When they are saying these phrases, you might have the child place their hand or hands over their heart — this can be very comforting.

An excellent way to counteract Survivor Guilt is to foster a deep self-acceptance and some possible ways of doing this might be to use set-up phrases such as:

“Even though this terrible thing happened, I’m a great child.” Or add, “…I’m a great child INSIDE.” for somehow, deep within us, we all know that we are indeed wonderful INSIDE, as a living being — so this is not an unrealistic concept.

Another comforting self-acceptance phrase might be,” Even though this terrible thing happened, I have many great friends (my family is great, etc.).”

There are also a number of other Choices that can be used in times of disaster in my Choices Manual — that you may find helpful.

Along somewhat different lines, other possible phrases might be:

“Even though I feel terribly sad (cry a lot, etc.) I know that I am honoring them by being sad (crying, etc.), and that someday this sadness will stop.“

“Even though I feel helpless, I choose to be calm and strong, no matter what.“

“Even though I’m terribly angry (furious, etc.), I choose to be calm and confident.“

“Even though I feel bewildered (confused, etc.), I choose to be stronger than ever because of this.“

“Even though I’m frightened by this, I choose to feel wonderful courage.“

“Even though this impossible thing happened, I know I’m doing the best that I can.“

 

Dealing with Feelings of Revenge

 

With respect to the emotional reactions following a shock such as this, children may have feelings of bewilderment, sadness, helplessness and a shattered sense of safety. Also, one of the responses that tends to be hardwired in humans, is to respond to an attack with anger and a strong impulse to fight back.

There may be an outrage in some students at what happened to their classmates, and some may have a strong impulse to retaliate. As you pointed out in your recent letter, one of these students even asked you, when preliminarily shown EFT, whether it was permissible to use the phrase “even though I want revenge” when doing EFT.

The need for revenge may be one aspect that may need to be addressed, because it can easily become an obsession, obstructing their lives.

There are many outlets of assistance, and, in a practical sense, there is no need to carry a personal vendetta and such revenge impulses should be addressed in in an organized and sensible fashion.

What is important is to help the children to become calm, focused and able to go about their lives normally despite the impending danger that surrounds them.

They need to channel revenge driven thoughts constructively, and do all that they can,  ideally to put aside such thoughts at that moment and be encouraged to obscure such thoughts through simple, relaxing mediation.

 

EFT Choices Against Revengeful Thoughts

 

“Even though I want revenge, I choose to be calm and strong inside, and go about my life normally.“

Or,

“Even though I want revenge, I choose to rely on more knowledgeable to handle this, do what I can to help out, and have a calm good feeling inside.“

When you are working with EFT one-on-one, you can help individuals customize their Choices so that they are precisely targeted, but you have to use more general Choices when dealing with groups. However, you can still supply flexibility of wording to groups too and they will need this.

Basically what we are doing when we use the Choices method is to make special use of the highly suggestible state created by EFT. This can help people, in this case traumatized children, to experience positive, helpful responses in place of the maladaptive ones that typically occur following a disaster.

For this reason, I believe it will be extremely important to have children create EFT Reminder Cards to take home and use following their formal EFT session. I will comment on this later.

You will notice that I haven’t used only “Choices” as the form of affirmation suggested here. This is because children are less critical about the exact authenticity of a statement, than are adults. The simple wording of direct affirmations may therefore reach them in a more immediate and effective manner. Adults often need to add the words “I choose” before an affirmation to make it believable, and they also benefit especially from the sense of empowerment that these words bring. Both ways of wording the EFT affirmations can be very useful.

Perhaps it would help if I were to tell you what I would do if I were working with these children. After they had done a round or two of EFT using the NEGATIVE reminder phrase, I would have them follow this each time by at least one complete round of tapping during which they would repeat only the POSITIVE reminder phrase (the affirmation) at each tapping point. This would serve to install the positive affirmation in a deeper, more lasting manner.

As mentioned above, suggest to the children that they make “EFT Reminder Cards” to use daily. These can be 3″ by 5″ index cards, or other method, on which they would write their EFT set-up phrases (one phrase per card). Ask them to read each card OUT LOUD to themselves just before going to bed at night, and again first thing in the morning. Doing this simple act daily should greatly reinforce the positive effect of the affirmations they have learned.

 

Working with Groups of Older Children/Teens

 

In war-time situations that have displaced many children, it can be helpful to do your EFT work with small groups of the children.

Have group members share with each other the specific EFT statements they have used and any insights and memories these stimulated. Group members should be encouraged to “borrow” each other’s statements freely and try them out.

Have group members share with each other any modifications they have made in the EFT statements.

Work with individual group members in “demos” in front of the group. Instruct the other members of the group to repeat out loud the same words as the person in the demo (in sync with them) and to tap on the same points that they are tapping on (Gary Craig’s Borrowing Benefits technique).

Have group members share their Successes of the Day notes from their journals.

In closing I hope that these suggestions will be helpful to you.

With deepest wishes, prayers, and hopes for the success of those who work with children who are suffering trauma from war.

1. Journal of Refugee Studies Vol.5 No.2 1992 Displaced Children: Psychological Theory and Practice from the Field NEIL BOOTHBY Institute of Policy Sciences and Public Affairs, Duke University.

 

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