Of course EFT can be effective for targeting specific problems and it has been used very well for that purpose.
But what about changing fundamental personality traits such as your lifelong attitudes about yourself that can undermine your functioning? Can EFT affect these continuing problems?
The answer is “yes,” it can be extremely effective for such purposes. The requirement though is that you must have decided to change your fundamental outlook on life. You must really want to do so. If you do, this technique can be dynamite.
If you’ve decided to change your outlook it’s probably because your relationships, your work, your finances, or other areas of your life are not the way you would like them to be. As soon as you make the decision to make a change with respect to such situations, EFT can be used to counteract any negative, self-sabotaging views you may be experiencing about yourself.
My Successes of the Day
To that end, here’s a helpful tactic.
First, create a notebook or document and name it My Successes of the Day.
Each day, open it to a new page and write the title, “My 5 Successes of This Day.” Bedtime is often the best time of the day to do this, and after you’ve written down the successes, use EFT with each one of them in turn. I will explain below.
Let’s take a look at what I mean by “successes.”
These can be successful things you have done during the day that are either very small or very large in nature. They can be as significant as making contact with a person whom you have been avoiding for years, or as minor as remembering to take your food supplements today. It makes no difference whether the “success” on your list would be considered important in any one else’s eyes. The only criterion is whether it feels successful to you to have done that particular thing or reacted in that way, on the day in question.
Here’s an example of one woman’s five successes of the day list she came up with during her therapy session with me:
My 5 Successes of the Day
1. I made an appointment with the vet today for my dog, something I’d been delaying.
2. I handled that unpleasant remark from Carrie in a balanced unemotional way; this was new to me and makes me happy.
3. I came to my therapy session even though I really didn’t want to come today.
4. I remembered that errand I wanted to do!
5. I was really great with the kids this morning.
As a variation on the 5 successes of the day method, I then asked her to list five successes of the preceding week and she came up with the following:
1. On Sunday, I gave my son a really successful birthday present.
2. I was really on target in my class this week.
3. I listened to Joanne go on an on about a problem that I would have preferred not to have had to sit and listen to, and that turned out to be very helpful for her.
4. I took the initiative to arrange the meeting for next Friday that I would ordinarily have been postponing.
5. I handled someone’s Dad’s anger at me in an easy manner that simply deflected it.
When she had completed these two lists I showed her how to use EFT with them. She was to insert the phrase, “I choose to remember…” before each listed success, and use this EFT Choice as her positive phrase at the end of each EFT statement. In doing this she was using the EFT Choices Method to create her statements.
Here’s how this particular woman formulated those EFT statements:
1. Even though I see myself as a loser, I choose to remember that I called the vet to make an appointment for (her dog) and will be taking her there tomorrow.
2. Even though I see myself as so incompetent, I choose to remember how well I handled that unpleasant remark of that man.
3. Even though I see myself as so lacking in so many things, I choose to remember that I got myself here to my appointment with Pat despite my initial reluctance today.
4. Even though I see myself as inefficient, I choose to remember that I’ve been keeping that errand in mind all day and actually did it.
5. Even though I see myself as sometimes selfish, I choose to remember how well I was able to comfort the children today when they were agitated.
When she had finished she felt uncharacteristically good about herself.
We know that positive statements used during EFT can make an extremely deep impression on the subconscious, which is precisely the reason why I use the EFT Choices method so often. This woman subsequently used the “Five Successes of the Day” and sometimes the “Five Successes of the Week” method by writing down her successes before bedtime and tapping on each of them before falling asleep. The fact that she actually did this was crucial. I have found this EFT exercise to be extremely helpful for those who will commit to its daily use — in fact, it can be transforming.
If you commit to doing this regularly, you will begin to notice your own successes and positive actions and strengths as they occur. Ordinarily a person with a negative attitude toward themselves tends to employ what psychologists call “selective inattention” and they ignore the positive things they actually do. This exercise can turn that attitude around for you so that seeing the positive in yourself becomes more and more easy for you and more natural.
I suggest that you do this exercise daily if you want to rid yourself of a persistent negative attitude toward yourself. it can be remarkably effective for that purpose.
To summarize, here’s what you do:
1. In the evening or at bedtime make a list of your five successes the day in your special notebook or file. These can be small or large accomplishments, as long as they feel like successes to you.
2. Write the phrase, “I choose to remember… ” before each success and then use this to form your positive phrase at the end of each EFT statement.
3. Use EFT for each of your successes in turn (for example, “Even though I feel (your negative feelings) I choose to remember (your success).”
As a variation on the 5 successes of the day method, you can use 5 successes of the week, in the same manner.
Have fun with this – it can be a real mood up lifter!
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