I have often written and talked about sneaking up on the negative elements of an EFT statement so that it won’t be too threatening to a traumatized person. However, the fact is, even the positive part of an EFT statement, the part that represents an affirmation, can be too much for a person to handle if they are unable to envision the positive that is offered to them without experiencing anxiety or a sense of disbelief.
This can occur whether the affirmation is the traditional self-acceptance phrase, “I deeply and completely accept myself,” or an EFT Choices phrase, such as, “I choose to be calm and confident.” It is therefore sometimes necessary to “sneak up on” the positive phrase in an EFT statement, as well as on the negative phrase.
For example, some people find that the default self-acceptance phrase is too difficult to handle because they can’t imagine “deeply and profoundly” accepting themselves. For these people, this phrase may appear downright foolish, threatening, or embarrassing. Aside from encouraging them to go ahead and use the phrase anyway, even if it seems unbelievable or silly, to see what happens, (certainly helpful in some cases) another way to handle the threat that self-acceptance may pose is to move gradually towards that goal by going step-by-step.
If this applies to you, there is one method that might work:
You could begin by saying, “Even though I (state problem), I might be able to accept myself anyway.” This is a more believable statement for many people than an outright, clear-cut self-acceptance statement.
After tapping for several rounds using this milder version of the default self-acceptance phrase, you might then try using a somewhat stronger phrase such as:
“Even though (state problem), I might accept myself a little bit.”
Or, “Even though (state problem), I would like to deeply and completely accept myself.”
Other variations can be used to introduce the self-acceptance phrase gradually to yourself, as well. My point is, allowing yourself to be more tentative with this phrase can often make it more palatable. As your intensity level goes down and you become more comfortable with the problem, you can try using the stronger statement – in fact, you may, at some point, actually be able to envision accepting yourself “deeply and completely” because you were introduced to this idea more gradually.
The same step-by-step approach can be used with any positive phrase in an EFT statement, such as an EFT Choices statement, because it will tend to be non-threatening, and thus more believable. An incremental Choice, used before you are ready to install a really strong positive affirmation, can often by-pass the resistance created by secret fears of actually obtaining the perceived desired Choice. The fact is, no matter how desirable a Choice may be from a practical standpoint, you may not be ready for it.
The Choice you think you want may be too strong, or too sudden, or possibly trigger too many of what Gary Craig calls “Tail Enders” for you to handle comfortably. Tail Enders are the hidden objections (negative affirmations in their own right) that can so often counteract our best worded affirmations.
A gradated Choice moves you gradually toward your goal. Because of its non-threatening nature, it can often bypass any hidden resistance to change.
For example, the use of gradated Choices might be useful for someone who is so threatened by changing careers it seems unimaginable to use a Choices phrase such as, “Even though I’m frightened by the concept of changing careers, I choose to find a new career that is just right for me.” While this Choices phrase might work well for a lot of people, for others it might activate an inner voice that might whisper, “Oh yeah? Do you think you’re going to find the answer now when you know you’ve tried hundreds of times and failed to come up with an idea that’s workable? Or, do you remember the last time you thought you had found the perfect career and how you fell on your face and it just didn’t work out?”
However, if this person were to use a gradated Choice it might help them creep up on their career issues gradually and therefore not cause resistance or inner skepticism. One such gradated Choice might be:
“Even though I’m threatened by the idea of changing careers, I choose to realize that there might be another way of looking at career change that would feel really good.” (Notice the tentative words such as “might” and the suggestion that one might change one’s way of looking at the whole matter –– this phrasing does not push the person too fast or too soon into a positive attitude they may not be ready for.)
Or, “Even though I’m threatened by the idea of changing careers, I can begin to see some possibilities for a new career.” (Notice the words “begin” and “some” here – both serve to soften the idea of a change of attitude)
A general rule of thumb is: If a particular EFT statement seems too impossible or too threatening or too out of character to you, then create a statement that approaches your goal in small increments, in a step-by-step fashion. I have seen this work wonders to change even very deep-seated attitudes!
I hope it will work for you, as well!
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Dear Dr. Pat, I love this alternative: “Even though I’m threatened by the idea of changing careers, I choose to realize that there might be another way of looking at career change that would feel really good.” I appreciate your recommendation to soften the affirmation into something believable and embraceable. Thank you for all your amazing work!