Whose Goals ARE They?

Goals in conflictActually, most people use EFT to cope with immediate problems, or to clear past issues and sometimes they use it to prepare for upcoming events.  However, with the advent of the EFT Choices Method, an increasing number of people have been using EFT to help them achieve life goals, an obviously more complex process.

I am now receiving questions like the following:

“I know what I want, but when I use EFT to tap for my goal it doesn’t seem to do any good.  What can I do about this?”

Let me try to answer this question.

There are several reasons why EFT may not work for some people under these circumstances. I will address the other ones in future articles for this newsletter.  Today let’s look at the meaning of the word “want”  in the above frequently asked question.

“Want” is a loaded word. It can have many meanings so I usually ask this question of a client who is seeking to use EFT to achieve something they “want”:

Are YOU the person who wants this goal?  Or is it someone else who expects you to realize it?  Or are you trying to live up to a built-in standard you have that was possibly instilled in you by your school, or your parents, or your society a long time ago?

I ask this question because the goal a person taps for must be, first and foremost, their own, not anyone else’s, or EFT simply won’t work.

An example:

“Pete” (a former client of mine) was unsuccessful in using EFT to help him climb the corporate ladder, although he had used it very successfully for other issues such as his fear of flying and to improve his golf game.

When I asked him to describe to me the exact corporate position he wanted to be promoted to next, he was actually able to envision what it would be so clearly that he could even tell me the look of the new office he would be moved into and the view from the office window!

So far, so good. He was clearly following Gary Craig’s often repeated advice to be SPECIFIC when doing EFT. Then when I asked him what would happen if he DID achieve his desired position and whether there would be any negative side to achieving it –– anything he might lose that he valued if he got it, or anyone who might be hurt if he got it, etc., his answer was a strong “No”.  He could see this move only as highly desirable.

There were no clues so far as to why EFT had not been working for him to help achieve that goal until I asked him another question:

“WHY do you want to rise higher on the corporate ladder?  You have an excellent income, a great home and family, lots of things that you enjoy doing at home and you say you actually love many parts of your work – SO WHY MOVE?”

Pete laughed out loud as he answered, “It’s done, that’s why.  It’s what you do.  That’s why I can’t understand why I’m stuck at this level.”

“Who says it is “what you do?”

“Everybody.  You know as well as I do –– it’s the way to go.”

“Maybe.”  I said, “But what about you yourself?  Is it everybody or is it you who wants this?”

This time he hesitated before answering, “I think it’s me.” He said, “It would be a big relief if I got this promotion.  I’d be really on my way.”

That was the opening wedge to a more productive discussion.  Because Pete was no longer 100% sure it was all his own idea, we could now explore the reasons why he wanted it from a new perspective, and this led, interestingly, to a discussion of the pressure he was under to get there.

As we talked about this, Pete was now speaking more slowly.  He was obviously trying to access some half-recognized feelings that he had not been acknowledging before.  As he began to express these feelings, he soon realized that his burning desire for a promotion was, in fact, in large part other-directed, rather than inner-directed.

Pete was actually in conflict about realizing his goal. In fact he was in secret rebellion against the pressure on him to do so. No wonder EFT didn’t work to get him the promotion….part of him didn’t want it!

This led directly into a discussion of what Gary Craig has called “tail enders” – those secret inner objections in the back of your mind than can sabotage a goal you think you want and thoroughly prevent EFT from working.  (For a detailed discussion of Gary’s theory of tail enders and how one can counter a tail-ender by using the EFT Choices method, see Chapter 3 of my Choices Manual).

The next step was for Pete to explore the reasons why he felt he had to meet anyone else’s demands with respect to climbing the corporate ladder.  Not surprisingly, the answer lay back in grade school when his father, a successful corporate attorney, had looked upon every achievement Pete made in school as a stepping stone to the outstanding corporate career he expected his son to have.  Pete’s very high marks in school and college (he got them!) had therefore not been entirely his own wish; they were always in part his father’s desires.

However, certain enthusiasms of his own had clearly been present as well.  For example, he had a passion for restating complex concepts in simple and compelling words and had been Editor of his High School newspaper and on the Editorial Board of his college newspaper.  Now he excelled at creating top notch corporate reports and directives and in simplifying certain aspects of the products the company manufactured to the public, and this part of his work was a delight to him.  But now he also realized that he actively disliked the pressure he was feeling to “always climb higher.”

When he saw his inner conflict about promotion, he began to work on it with EFT, using such phrases as:

“Even though Dad always wanted me to move up the ladder, I choose to have a new position where I can use my writing ability even more effectively.” (Pete was now differentiating between achieving for his father and others, and achieving for his own self –– a major step).

As his own wishes became apparent to him, Pete was able to tap with conviction on such statements as the above.  He now could envision himself in a new office where he had an even greater opportunity to present the corporate image to the public, interpret to the press what the company was doing, conduct interviews on TV about the company goals etc. A new and much more exciting way of advancing his career now occurred to Pete and his EFT tapping became exciting and convincing.

At that point, not surprisingly, Pete lobbied with Management for a position for himself where he could expand his authority with regard to communicating the company’s mission to the public and obtained it in short order.  This was very satisfying to him.

Was it that EFT had not originally worked for Pete?  That would be an incorrect interpretation, it had simply been inadvertently misused for this purpose.

Advice:

If tapping for your goals is not working, ask yourself:
“Is this goal what I really want for myself and my OWN satisfaction?”

 “When I think of it, do I feel a sense of excitement and fulfillment at being able to exercise my abilities if I achieve it?”

“Do any other people’s expectations or a built-in standard I hold drive me to this? If so, how can I make this become genuinely my own goal (or if not, can I let go of this goal and reach for what I really want)?

When you have the answered to these questions, then devise EFT Choices statements to handle them.  The results can be astonishing and often rapid.  Try it! 

RELATED RESOURCE:

Try This Quiz: Increase Your Self Worth by Dr. Carrington

Do you have any idea how huge a personal toll a low sense of Self Worth takes?

TRY THIS QUIZ!

To shed light on your sense of Self Worth, indicate how often each situation described below applies to you: 

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